"If I stay, there can be no party. I must be out there in the night, staying vigilant. Wherever a party needs to be saved, I’m there. Wherever there are masks, wherever there’s tomfoolery and joy, I’m there. But sometimes I’m not, because I’m out in the night, and I’m staying vigilant. Watching, lurking, running, jumping, hurdling, sleeping. No, I can’t sleep. You sleep. I’m awake, I don’t sleep, I don’t blink. Am I a bird? No, I’m a bat. I am Batman. Or am I? Yes, I am Batman. Happy Halloween."
—

Abed (Danny Pudi) - ‘Community’ Episode 1.07 - Introduction to Statistics

kl7:

Sexual Activity - Movie Parody (via TotallySketch)

This is a pretty accurate parody of ‘Paranormal Activity’ my friend Michael wrote.

‘Jon Benet’s Killer Christmas’ NES 8 Bit Nintendo graffiti art “DNA Mystery for the whole family!” This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen all week.

‘Jon Benet’s Killer Christmas’ NES 8 Bit Nintendo graffiti art

“DNA Mystery for the whole family!”

This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen all week.

"I grew up on a pig farm, sir, where all the animals — even the birds that cleaned our teeth — were workers, not pets. I never even had a dog, cause as my mom would say, ‘You can’t eat love.’ And as my mom’s friend Ron would say, ‘The donkey died. You’re the donkey now, Kenneth."
— Kenneth Parcell (Jack McBrayer) - ‘30 Rock’
Mayan Calendar Warns Of Cataclysmic Roland Emmerich Film On Nov. 13

CHICHÉN ITZÁ, MEXICO—Scholars of the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar warned Monday that, according to ancient Mayan calculations, a devastating film by German director Roland Emmerich is set to occur on Nov. 13, 2009. “On this date, near the end of the 13th baktun cycle, when the sun will converge with the centerline of the Milky Way, we will see the release of an overblown ensemble epic by the man responsible for Godzilla and 10,000 BC that could very well end John Cusack’s career as we know it,” said Thomas Haney, an independent researcher specializing in pre-Columbian cosmology. “At this point, all we can do is hope and pray that the high priests were wrong and the running time is less than 143 minutes.” Hastening fears of an unstoppable late-fall disaster has been the discovery of a tablet depicting Mayan king Pacal storming out of a Loews cinema in disgust.

(via:theonion)

Dear 'Scrubs' & 'Cougar Town' creator Bill Lawrence,

Please stop casting your wife Christa Miller in your TV shows.

Ex. Christa Miller

She (Christa Miller) used to be gorgeous actress with superb comedic timing. Then in some misguided attempted to stay looking young, she went out and got a botched facelift. I’m sure you might agree even if you won’t admit it in public. Now her facial muscles are dead. Seriously, she looks like a stroke victim.

Judd Apatow can get away casting his wife in his films, but even after ‘Funny People’ that shit has got to stop. Plus Leslie Mann her face doesn’t scare children.

I like your new show ‘Cougar Town’, Bill. It had a strong pilot, but the forced addition of your wife, Christa Miller to the cast just seems unnecessary. she’s enjoyable on the show, but she forces her lines out through paralyzed facial muscles, and it’s just a painful sight.

Keep up the solid writing on ‘Cougar Town’ and on your next project reconsider casting your wife in it. Just a thought…

Sincerely,

Dan Hacker

The Dark Knight by Eliza Gauger

The Dark Knight by Eliza Gauger

Stormtroopers’ 9/11 

Where were you when the Death Star fell?

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

thedailywhat:

President Obama Calling Kanye West A Jackass of the Day: Leave it to TMZ to obtain the audio of Obama’s now-infamous off-the-record “jackass” remark made just prior to an interview with CNBC.

[via.]

Auto-Tune the News #8: dragons. geese. Michael Vick. (ft. T-Pain)

At this point you know the deal. Just watch it.

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Themed by: Hunson